A rageBanana Thread.

I've been debating with myself over the last few weeks whether or not I should write this letter. Obviously, I outvoted myself and wrote it. I concluded I absolutely had to tell you that Mr. Jeremy Stevens has recently been bouncing around like a kangaroo trying to inject his lethal poison into our children's minds and souls. The following paragraphs are intended as an initial, open-ended sketch of how bad the current situation is. This is betrayal of the many by the few. The reason is simple: He makes a lot of exaggerated claims. All of these claims need to be scrutinized as carefully as a letter of recommendation from a job applicant's mother. Consider, for example, Jeremy's claim that the ancient Egyptians used psychic powers to build the pyramids. The fact of the matter is that my love for people necessitates that I ask him to rephrase his criticisms in a more reasoned way. Yes, I face opposition from Jeremy. However, this is not a reason to quit but to strive harder.

The reason Jeremy wants to lay down diktats that force me to put myself in harm's way is that he's totally pugnacious. If you believe you have another explanation for his silly, dimwitted behavior, then please write and tell me about it. His apothegms have caused widespread social alienation, and from this alienation a thousand social pathologies have sprung. Fortunately, if you ever get into an argument with some of Jeremy's protégés about whether or not he is doing some serious mau-mauing, I have an excellent sockdolager for you. Simply inform the other party that Jeremy claims that he can make all of our problems go away merely by sprinkling some sort of magic, pink, pixie dust over everything that he considers obnoxious or scurrilous. Perhaps he has some sound arguments on his side, but if so he's keeping them hidden. I'd say it's far more likely that when Jeremy's reckless, brusque utterances are translated into plain, words-mean-things English, he appears to be saying that there's no difference between normal people like you and me and cruel, meretricious theologasters. For me, this simple-minded, ultra-grotesque moonshine serves only to emphasize how I wouldn't judge Jeremy's factotums too harshly. They're just cannon fodder for Jeremy's plot to call for a return to that which wasn't particularly good in the first place.

Jeremy's retorts to criticism are so rehearsed that he may be almost unconscious of what he's saying, as one is when one utters the responses in church. You don't need to be the smartest guy on the planet to figure that out. Heck, even the lowliest Joe Six-Pack knows that I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people. I can therefore assure you that Jeremy has found a way to avoid compliance with government regulations, circumvent any further litigation, and poison the relationship between teacher and student—all by trumping up a phony emergency. I suppose that's all I have to say in this letter. If there are any points on which you require explanation or further particulars I shall be glad to furnish such additional details as may be required.

I sense a great muffin in the Redux...

I like him 'coz he makes me giggle.

But I like you too.

i got this humor partly from a great land called "The Lounge" *epic movie scene*

This is epicness in a thread.

Well, it makes a change from the usual droll that can be found in Anything Else- most of which is related to Nid in some way

Indeed, this thread is like my dialup. I must say, it is fantastic.

I must ask, why do you look for these things?

Oh yeah, hey Rage? You going to write letters like that for the other people you know here?

After weeks of observation and reflection, I have finally reached the conclusion that I want to speak in the strongest possible terms against Mr. Connor Parnell's theatrics. Here's the story: My goal is to get Connor to realize that he's behind much of the sociopolitical indoctrination that goes on in many of our classrooms. Of course, if he insists on remaining an ignorant, uninformed, and ill-informed yahoo, that's his prerogative.

It's a pity that two thousand years after Christ, the voices of snippy know-nothings like Connor can still be heard, worse still that they're listened to, and worst of all that anyone believes them. He plans to sugarcoat the past and dispense false optimism for the future. What can you do about that? Start by reading about how Connor can't control his desire to have everything he wants and to have it now. Become informed about the deceit, lies, and propaganda surrounding his promotion of denominationalism. Tell everyone you know that Connor claims that mediocrity is a worthwhile goal. Whether that's true or not, his evidence is corrupted by a vast amount of nonsense and outright fraud. Before we can further discuss Connor's claim we must acknowledge that I'm not a psychiatrist. Sometimes, though, I wish I were, so that I could better understand what makes people like Connor want to nourish daft, scabrous ideologies.

Who is Connor to decide what is morally acceptable for us and what is not? From a public-policy perspective, at no time in the past did cynical freebooters shamble through the streets of cities, demanding rights they imagine some supernatural power has bestowed upon them. Today, as yesterday, if we can understand what has caused the current plague of gutless survivalists, I believe that we can then condemn—without hesitation, without remorse—all those who twist my words six ways for Sunday. Connor blames our current woes on everyone but himself. This is equivalent to saying that if you're not part of the solution then you're part of the problem. Still, we shouldn't jump to conclusions, even though it is a known fact that he coins polysyllabic neologisms to make his flimflams sound like they're actually important. In fact, his treatises are filled to the brim with words that have yet to appear in any accepted dictionary. The end

I'll be taking that as a 'Yes' then. It'd be interesting to see how coherent a psychiatrist is after they interview, for want of a better word, me. Someone tried to psychoanalyse me once, apparently I break every psychological rule that people in the pschye industry use to conduct their analysations. All that 'letter' of yours has done is make me add another name to the list I have of people who can't realise why I do the things I do

It's very well written though

"cherent"

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Fixed

What, so no more satire? And just when I was enjoying it...

I wouldn't say that, he might do you next.

Yeah, he did it to me. It was funny because he's over analysing things

I wish I didn't have to write a letter like this one, but recent events leave me no choice. The nitty-gritty of what I'm about to write is this: Lucernus's threats are based on two fundamental errors. They assume that Lucernus holds a universal license that allows him to effectuate the downfall of all that is decent and civilized and they promote the mistaken idea that he is the way, the truth, and the light. To let us know exactly what our attitudes should be towards various types of people and behavior has never been something that I wanted to do. Never. When his manuscripts are challenged, Lucernus usually responds by fostering and intensifying his drug-drenched drama of immorality. Well, you can't really expect him to defend his positions with facts, explanations, logical arguments, or even references to events that occurred less than two years ago, can you?

Behold what a nice, thick, fat lie it is when Lucernus denies ever having strived to transform fear and its inculcation into the preeminent force ruling human existence. He is on some sort of thesaurus-fueled rampage. Every sentence Lucernus writes is filled with needlessly long words like "calcareoargillaceous" and "pseudoconglomeration". Either he is deliberately trying to confuse us or else he's secretly scheming to do the entire country a grave disservice.

You, of course, now need some hard evidence that Lucernus has allied himself with the devil and serves him faithfully. Well, how about this for evidence: He lives within a self-contained atmosphere of toxic greed and covetousness. The best example of this, culled from many, would have to be the time he tried to clear-cut ancient forest lands. As ill-bred as his underlings may be, they are also communism-prone extortionists. If five years ago I had described a person like Lucernus to you and told you that in five years he'd place our children at imminent risk of serious harm, you'd have thought me addlepated. You'd have laughed at me and told me it couldn't happen. So it is useful now to note that, first, it has happened and, second, to try to understand how it happened and how nearly all of the assumptions and statements made by him and his rank-and-file followers are completely, absolutely, and totally wrong. At the risk of sounding a tad redundant, let me add that we need to look beyond the most immediate and visible problems with him. We need to look at what is behind these problems and understand that he has, at times, called me "mealymouthed" or "fatuitous". Such contemptuous name-calling has passed far beyond the stage of being infantile but harmless. It has the capacity to truck away our freedoms for safekeeping. To conclude, Lucernus's arguments don't even prove his point.

I have no idea what you're saying, but I love it anyway. Keep it up!

Everything he says you do is what he does

Wait.....
OBJECTION!! How can you have a communisim prone extortionist?